Funny Roundup -- Sick Day 4/27/2009

Plants are human too, you know... wait....


see funny english mistakes

Kinky....


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You mean water, like from a toilet?


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I have no idea what this says, but this is funny....


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Ah... nature humor...


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Yup... cats and nature don't go together....


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Not all cats are cute....


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Yes, cats are always plotting murder. Remember that.


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Whole new meaning to sleeping with the fishes....


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No comment needed.


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Dedicated to Blind Dog... (now I've got that song in my head!!!)


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Ah... The Who....


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Tax Humor!!!


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April 16, Post-Teabag Funnies

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Yesterday's News, Because I'm Slow Like That

So I was working on this when I had to go have dinner with Nicole and hang with the girls, and then I came home and passed out... so here's this. Today's to follow later.

Madonna gets a news flash: we already have one Angelina Jolie, we don’t need another one. Ah, life after A-Rod loses its luster. http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090403/ap_en_ce/af_malawi_madonna_adoption_22

New Rules for the NFL: no matter how good of a player you are, you shoot yourself in the leg, that’s a firing. http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090403/ap_on_sp_fo_ne/fbn_giants_burress_8

And THAT’S what you get for trading my grandmother’s favorite Chauncey Billups. She still hasn’t recovered from that, and then she went blind. And now the Pistons don’t even have Iverson. Bastridges. http://sports.yahoo.com/nba/news?slug=ap-pistons-iversonout&prov=ap&type=lgns

Why Obama is wrong about Afghanistan, from a liberal. http://news.yahoo.com/s/ucru/20090402/cm_ucru/afghandeathtrip

Hooray Iowa!!! Iowa is the new California. http://www.newsweek.com/id/192269

The Evening News

Initial nominee for Shower Nozzle of the Month for March: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1166135/Neighbour-hell-blew-home-minutes-eviction.html But he’s dead now.

Unemployment Olympics – Hey, at least you’re your sense of humor in hard times. http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/O/ODD_UNEMPLOYMENT_OLYMPICS?SITE=WBBMAM&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT

Okay, not to sound like a ultra-traditional conservative hard-ass or anything, but this is just the most new-age namby-pamby thing I’ve ever heard in my life. Hello, you’re PARENTS!!! Parent, already! http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20090331.wlconsensual31art1835/BNStory/lifeFamily/home

Ding Dong the Witch is Dead? Oh please oh please oh please oh please. No self-respecting Republican could possibly think that she is good for the party. No self-respecting woman could possibly think that she is good for the future of women in politics. She’s worth nothing to nobody except for the liberal media and fundraisers who get to use her idiocy to their advantage. DUH!!! http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2009/03/31/republicans-disinvite-palin-major-fundraiser/

At least Paul Krugman knows that he’s doomed now that he’s graced the cover of Newsweek. http://krugman.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/03/28/the-magazine-cover-effect/

Complete with GREAT illustration of trickle-down economics. http://www.progressivepuppy.com/the_progressive_puppy/2009/03/anti-labor-joe---the-new-union-basher.html

News of the World for Thursday

I'm not venturing into the blogosphere today, work has been a crazy, silly day. But here is what I have managed to venture into so far, when not fighting rival gangs in Mafia Wars :-)

Methinks that Ted is a little, um, unhappy? Don’t ask me what gives me that idea…. http://news.yahoo.com/s/ucru/20090326/cm_ucru/whywehatethem

Oh my…. http://www.gocomics.com/features/111/feature_items/418394

Okay, serious ego issues here. Serial Shooter compares thinks he’s going to be as infamous as Charles Manson. Don’t think you’re going to get your own Goth/Industrial Metal band, dude. Also didn’t have a family of murderous lunatics. Or victims on the fame scale of Sharon Tate. Or links to the Beach Boys. Or that whole swastika tattooed into your forehead thing. All in all, I think we’re just looking at your typical dumbass serial killer, as opposed to the complete psychopath cultural phenomenon serial killer. Minimal income book deal. http://www.azcentral.com/news/articles/2009/03/26/20090326hausner0326-ON.html

All together now… “INFRASTRUCTURE!!!” Somewhere, Rachel Maddow just got all tingly. http://www.azcentral.com/news/articles/2009/03/26/20090326midwest-flooding0326-ON.html

Power to them if it continues to work out. If only all people could be as adult about life, if for no other reason than for the kids. http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/personal/03/26/couple.lives.with.ex/index.html

Health care, everyone’s favorite topic. One of the main reasons we need reform – our businesses (primarily, the small ones) can’t afford to keep this crap up much longer. http://www.newsweek.com/id/190884

Peace out, y'all.



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Now playing: The White Stripes - Seven Nation Army
via FoxyTunes

The News So Far

Okay, we’ve even gotten the attention of the BBC. Are you happy now, Sheriff Joe? Can you just STFU already now? God, I hate this guy. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/7950220.stm

Here’s what I don’t get. He lets thousands of warrants go unserved because he’s busy with his publicity stunts, reality shows, and posse runs of pulling people over for the heinous crime of driving while brown. He’s wasted millions in taxpayer dollars through his financial malfeasance, failing to keep his facilities up to code, wrecking vehicles, and failing to keep his inmates from being abused and killed by his personnel. Tent Cities, Chain Gangs, Green Bologna, and Pink Underwear do not make up for being a lousy excuse for a Republican elected official. Why haven’t the fiscal conservatives gotten all outraged over this yet? Or have they sold their souls to the Illegal Immigration Kool-Aid Flavor of the Month club? Where’s Barry Goldwater when you need him?

The $165 million question: http://www.dailyexpress.co.uk/posts/view/90210/Why-can-t-my-dwarf-rabbit-stop-sneezing-

Oh wow, I’m so shocked, the Vatican is contemplating a boycott of the prequel to The DaVinci Code. Because Angels and Demons is SO pro-Catholic. You want people to not see it? Remind them that it’s directed by Opie. http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20090321/film_nm/us_vatican_1

I can’t get blogger to link this right, but it’s funny if you’re from the greater Michigan area. http://news.yahoo.com/comics/uclickcomics/20090321/cx_crbc_uc/crbc20090321

Fun little piece on Craig Ferguson. It’s you, you’re Scottish!! (And if you don’t know why that is funny, go rent Saving Grace NOW!!!!!!) http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29773198/

Alternative fans… little blurb on Jane’s Addiction’s reunion at SXSW. (Yeah, all four of them, believe it or not.) http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29773198/ Trent’s released a sampler for the upcoming NIN/JA tour of some Nine Inch Nails, some Jane’s Addiction, and some Street Sweeper, you can get that EP for free at http://www.ninja2009.com/.

Now here’s a quandary for you. Does all the attention and aid for Africa help or hinder the development of the African people? One Zambian claims it doesn’t, and she wants Bono and the rest of the world to butt out. Responsible charity: the moral dilemma of the day. http://www.newsweek.com/id/190375

Finally, someone who understands that sex education isn’t just about abstinence or one day about condoms and statistics. http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1886558,00.html

YES!!!!!! Ian McKellan will be back as Gandalf. My world is now complete! http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1886459,00.html

Happy Shamrock Day

News Roundup... Haven't gotten to the blogs as of yet tonight, and probably won't as I'm awfully tired and had a horrid icky day. But here's the news that someone out there saw fit to post.

Dahlia Lithwick smacks down Meghan McCain and Laura Ingraham (but mostly Ms. McCain) on the whole “Body Image Controversy” thing. Includes links in case you’ve missed the debacle to date. Dahlia is my hero. http://www.slate.com/id/2213992/

Ron Paul gets punked. But at least it seems he may have a sense of humor about it in the end. Not sure I really want to see the movie though…. (Warning, contains spoilers.) http://slate.com/id/2213882/

Okay, I know it’s cliché, but WWJD? Seriously. Bad Christians!!! http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1885983,00.html

WORST… INTERVIEW… EVER… http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/features/2009/04/wayne-maddow200904

Deepak gives us permission to be angry. It is moral and good to be angry. Thank you Deepak. http://newsweek.washingtonpost.com/onfaith/panelists/deepak_chopra/2009/03/what_to_do_about_mad_as_hell.html

This from a man who wears a tent. Seriously, please move beyond the Dark Ages and join the rest of us in this Millennium. I’m sure God will understand. http://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/news/world-news/pope-condoms-make-aids-worse-14231246.html

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Now playing: Flogging Molly - Drunken Lullabies
via FoxyTunes

Mafia Wars, the Official Procrastination Tool of NASCAR

Dedicated to the Other Busch brother, now the Official Cheese Spread of NASCAR.

I really don’t like Mother Jones’ new format, but they do occasionally have good stuff. This is an interesting quandary into the future of sustainable agriculture… and they say “poop miles.” http://www.motherjones.com/environment/2009/02/spoiled-organic-and-local-so-2008

A criticism on the palm oil biofuel industry… http://www.motherjones.com/environment/2009/03/why-biofuels-are-rainforests-worst-enemy

Yeah, and notice that all the scripture quotes are from everyone’s favorite raging misogynist, Paul. None of this was in the red letters, folks. WWJD? http://www.motherjones.com/media/2009/03/books-purpose-driven-wife

Yup. And I’m tired of that “decisions should be made by a patient and their doctor, not a government bureaucrat” line. Cause, um, right now, they’re made by the insurance companies. In case the dolts over at the RNC Talking Point Generator missed it. http://www.salon.com/opinion/conason/2009/03/09/healthcare/

Yes, President Obama? This is the British Conservative Party, explaining to you how we deal with allegations of War Crimes. Please take notes. There will be a test. http://www.salon.com/opinion/greenwald/2009/03/08/mohamed/

“One characteristic of cults is that they strongly believe they alone are right in their beliefs and everyone else is wrong.” Um, do you want to tell him, or should I? http://www.kansascity.com/238/story/1065619.html

That’s it, man, fuck the system. http://hamptonroads.com.nyud.net/2009/03/virginia-man-pays-his-350-electric-bill-pennies

How about cause it’s easier than thinking of something original to say? What, is it a slow news day at CNN or something? http://www.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/Movies/03/09/film.quotes/index.html

Oy… well, that’s news from the last 24 hours. At least for that roundup of sites. Bathtime!!!!

And, I’m now playing Mafia Wars on Facebook (gee, thanks Nicole!) So if you’re on, let me know and join my Mafia!!

Keppler and Other News Roundup

May post more tomorrow, but must go bed....

Seriously?!?!?!?!? The kid is five years old, WTF????? http://www.wftv.com/news/18864517/detail.html#-

Musicians have egos? Never. (Complete with “No, I wouldn’t shag her” picture of Courtney Love) http://www.spinner.com/2008/10/07/shockingly-cocky-quotes-no-21/

Interesting interview with Christopher Guest. http://www.spinner.com/2009/03/04/christopher-guest-taps-into-serious-musicianship-with-beyman-b/

A conservative viewpoint on why Rush Limbaugh’s regime is bad for the Republican Party and the Conservative Movement (and thus, the country… the last part depends on whether or not you lean conservative, of course.) http://www.newsweek.com/id/188279

Watch out world, here comes Brazil…. http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1883301,00.html

Ah, so THIS is why we invaded Iraq… I knew there had to be a good reason. Gotta keep the supply side well stocked…. http://www.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,1883696,00.html

You are SO doing it wrong, lady. http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1883700,00.html

Okay, seriously. Even The Economist is arguing for legalization and ending the “War on Drugs.” And they’re conservatives. Buy a clue. Or at least a vowel. Come on, people!!! http://www.economist.com/opinion/displayStory.cfm?story_id=13237193&source=hptextfeature

Methinks Matt has issues…. But he does vivid imagery well. A little too well, actually. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/matt-taibbi/erica-jong-thinks-i-want_b_96169.html

Johann blogs from not long after the launch of Keppler, which he and Gil witnessed in person. (Complete with pics.) Gil worked long and hard on this project, so kudos for seeing it finally getting into space. SO jealous the two of them were there to see it go up. http://johncbarentine.com/blogs/

Weekend Roundup

Thoughts on this weekend....

First of all, thank goodness the Oscars are tonight, I'm sick to death of hearing about them. I don't care who wins, but I highly doubt that Hugh Jackman will really be drunk and naked as advertised...

Rick Santelli wins my now weekly award for Shower Nozzle of the Week. Link below in all the news junk at the bottom, but you know you're in in shower nozzle territory if you're getting called out by Robert Gibbs. Obama doesn't usually allow for those sorts of games to be played on his turf. (If you need the Shower Nozzle back story, let me know.)

Emma was sick, so I didn't see Nicole. I want to make a quasi-weekly Emma story of the week feature, so maybe when she's feeling better. I'll try to con Nicole into getting Emma to tell her Ninja joke on a web came so I can share that.

Do yourself a favor. In the wake of last year's election, rent "Head of State" starring Chris Rock and Bernie Mac. Oddly prophetic in many ways.

And now, for the funny and weird....

Fark of the Day

Dumbasses are us: http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2008764830_belletowers20m.html?2009

Part 2 - Red light cameras in action: http://www.thenewspaper.com/news/26/2693.asp

In Other News....

Anti-Arpaio rally next weekend. I plan to be there to show my outrage at the worst sheriff in the west. (And I'm kind of hoping Zack can talk Tom into making an appearance :-) http://www.azcentral.com/ent/music/articles/2009/02/21/20090221delarochamarch.html

Can't wait for this. My budget will so swing on this $13 a week. Is this spare change we can believe in? http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29314485

Nice slam on the Golden State... As goes California, so goes much of the US, so keep an eye on it. http://www.newsweek.com/id/185791

The hypocrisy of America, Marijuana, and Celibrity... http://www.newsweek.com/id/185807

If you have the stomach for it... http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/story/26191970/pelosi_hits_back

Apparently, the unemployment problem is hitting even former W appointees. Who woulda thunk it? http://crooksandliars.com/susie-madrak/still-looking-bush-officials-out-work

Opinion piece on the GOP... http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2009/2/22/105710/019/741/699974

Will the insanity ever end? The quest to destroy Michele Bachmann. http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2009/2/21/0958/38776

Terry Jones is getting odd in his old age... http://lauraflanders.firedoglake.com/2009/02/18/terry-jones-arms-manufacturer/

Rick Santelli, Shower Nozzle Award Recipient... http://www.slate.com/id/2211808/

And last, but definitely not least.... Fox News is officially off its rocker. Seriously. You have got to see this to believe it. http://www.salon.com/opinion/greenwald/2009/02/22/militias/